So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
