Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
