Welp...herpes.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
