Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
