He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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