I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
