come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
