I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just high enough for therapy.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
