I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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