in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
