Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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