I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
