I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
even my farts smell like vagina
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
