I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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