Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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