I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just want nice things and good sex
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
