He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
