oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just threw up on my dentist
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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