bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
