dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
