Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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