My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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