he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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