the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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