His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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