you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
