those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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