It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
