I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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