I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
