I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
