she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
