is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
they're like a gay fantastic four
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger