i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
