Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
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the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
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The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem