I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.