You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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