I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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