perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
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I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
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I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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