The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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