haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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