Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
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I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
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PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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