dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
