I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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