I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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