Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
