I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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