Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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