I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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