We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
