so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
there's paper in my vomit.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
