um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize