This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Two words: blizzard sex
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm having to shit out rocks
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
