Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I could fuck to npr.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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