i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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