You're my little dorito
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
