Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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