Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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