I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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