just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
