Jerry, you need to find god
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
