I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
