im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My vagina is officially offended.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
