I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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