I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
