I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
