There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
