I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
