Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Dear god my vagina.
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