Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
