Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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