he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
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So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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