You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
