i already hear my dad disowning me
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
