well I can't set my house on fire every night
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize