Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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