Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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