Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
