quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
