Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
