The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
