Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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