you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
