I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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