I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
