yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
