Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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