She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
