Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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