8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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