five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
