That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
