I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
