I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
