As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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