I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
