i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
