Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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