oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
