She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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