"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
